Tonight I had one of those moments, where you take a good look at what you’re planning for the future, and second-guess yourself. You consider, you doubt, and you’re not sure if this is actually a good idea.
Hawaii. A measly 36 days away, the day I leave the snowy land of Canada and arrive to the beaches and sunshine is creeping up awfully fast.
I thought for a moment of all the stuff I have to do before then. The finishing my job, packing, moving, Christmas-ing, people-seeing, goodbye-ing, and housekeeping.
And I got a tiny bit overwhelmed. It’s a lot to do before a 5-month adventure, and is going to take a lot of energy.
And then I had this image of seeing myself getting off the plane in Hawaii and seeing the sunset over the water and the beach and people greeting me with a lei (as they’ve said they would)… and in my head, all I could think of was,
this is not me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love myself a good beach. And water is nice. But it’s also 6000 km and an ocean away from home. Away from my stable, well-paying job that I love, and my awesome family and my fantastic roommates and the crazy hyper dog I live with and my car and snowboarding and the life I’ve come to know.
And 8750 km from Jordan. Not that long-distance is new to us. But still.
This seems so crazy.
During a slow moment on my night shift, I sat down and had a “me-moment” (quite rare in the ER) and I thought,
What am I going for, anyway?
And then it dawned on me.
It’s not for the beaches. Not for the sunsets or leis or oceans or anything like that. It’s not an extended vacation, although since it’s in a beautiful place that’ll be a sweet addition. It’s not just going to some yet-to-be-name nation and doing outreach and seeing cute little kids and learning stuff.
This is where God has called me.
God has made it clear that where He is calling, He is. Don’t ask me why this seems to be a new concept to me, after years and years of following Jesus. But I guess somehow I’m still learning that He goes before me (Deut 31:8), and will be with me (Matt 28:20). I’m not going alone.
And He has told me, whispered in my ear, in no uncertain terms, that where He is calling, I will be free.
This whole adventure is not to force me into some mold that I hate, but to make me even more me. To shape my heart into one with a more global perspective, more attune to how others live, more compassionate and passionate in my life and in my career.
This whole adventure is to teach me about Jesus, to make my heart bigger (which will hurt a little but will be worth it), and to make me a better nurse. And you know what? That doesn’t sound so bad after all.
Thinking in this vein, I decided to look up some stuff on global nursing. (I know, such a nerd. But I found some awesome articles!)
And in my research travels, I found this:
“Whether working at home or abroad, having a global perspective—and experience—can offer nurses opportunities to grow and to serve … “International experience for nurses presents a powerful and rewarding option in addressing leadership development challenges, both global and domestic… It provides growth opportunities in terms of how we see ourselves, the world, and how we interact.”
Participating globally provides “stunning and exciting” opportunities to “learn, partner, innovate, collaborate, and build capacity…” Practicing abroad or working with international partners can “enhance one’s career, and you thrive with the intellectual and professional relationships and opportunities.” (Wood, 2013, emphasis added)
This calms my heart. I love being a nurse. I’m always wanting to be a better one. And that’s exactly what this trip will do: carve me and mold me into a better person, a better friend, a better swimmer (heehee), a better follower of Christ, a better nurse.
And you know what?
It will actually be awesome.
Wood, D. (2013). A global profession. Retrieved from http://magazine.nursing.jhu.edu/2010/08/a-global-profession/